


In For A Penny

by harryhermionerw



Series: Imagine Tony & Bucky [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anxiety, Bucky is the best, Depression, Headaches & Migraines, M/M, Tony Has Issues, imagine prompt fill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-24
Packaged: 2019-01-22 12:12:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12481316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harryhermionerw/pseuds/harryhermionerw
Summary: Bucky doesn't know what this thing called Lexapro or Xanax is for, and Tony panics when he asks about it.





	In For A Penny

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Bucky finds Tony's anxiety pills on accident ? (he didn't know about Tony's anxiety or depression)
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: Some rude shit is said to Tony (in the past!) for taking antidepressants. Skip the paragraph of italics if you want, it won’t really affect much, I don’t think.

Tony burrowed into his blankets and managed to give a thumbs up to JARVIS when the windows went dark without him asking. The pain in his head was  _ excruciating.  _ It felt like someone was simultaneously gripping his head in a vice and randomly stabbing it with a dull knife if he moved his neck or head at all. And weirdly, it felt like his skull was too big for his skin. All in all, it was awful.The dark helped a little. The light felt like a million little needles in his eyes, and he was grateful for his very advanced technology to make his bedroom be as dark as a tomb. 

Still, the lack of a million little needles in his eyes didn't help much. 

He drifted in and out of a light doze, knowing his pain pills - the ones in his bathroom cabinet - would  _ probably  _ help kill the migraine, but not willing to brave movement. The sleeping wasn't going to help, but he lived in eternal hope that one day he would go to sleep, unmedicated, with a migraine and wake up without one. 

He didn't know what time it was when the door opened and closed quietly. A few moments after that, the bed dipped. Fingers carded his hair, and he whined piteously as the fingers moved lower to rub his neck at pressure points.

“Migraine, honey?” Bucky kept his voice low, but more out of his need than Tony’s need. Tony was light sensitive, not very sound sensitive. A low audiobook played in the background. A man stuck on Mars was MacGyvering his way around a dust storm at the moment.

Tony gave a vaguely affirmative sound, one that Bucky only understood was so because of many migraines. 

“Did you take anything?”

Negative sounds.

“Want some?”

“Mmmmhmmmm.”

“Okay honey.” Bucky rubbed Tony’s neck one last time before standing. 

 

~~

 

Bucky walked into the bathroom to get the pain pills that he hoped would help Tony feel better. Opening the cabinet, he frowned. There seemed to be more prescription bottles then normal.

Carefully, he pulled them all out and read the labels. Topamax, yup he knew that one. Meloxicam and Baclofen, nope, not going to cut it for this migraine, Tony had waited too long for them to be any good. 

The next two were new. Well, he hadn't seen them before, at any rate. 

Xanax. What was that for? Bucky shook his head, and set it aside. Now wasn't the time to ask Tony when he was in pain.

The next bottle said Lexapro **.** He thought he vaguely remembered a commercial about that one, but he was more concerned about finding the- ah, there it was. Imitrex. It would most likely work. Shaking one pill into his hand and filling a glass with water, he took both back to Tony.

 

~~

 

Tony carefully sat up enough to take the pill before immediately burrowing back down into his pile of pillows and blankets. Thank god for Bucky, otherwise he'd have to face the vision blackening, head pounding walk to the bathroom to get the pills himself and quite frankly, he wasn't up to that. 

“Busy?” He managed to ask. He didn't want to ask Bucky to stay, it seemed selfish.

In reply, Bucky stretched out on the bed and began massaging his neck. “Nah. Try to relax, sugar.”

In spite of the pain, just having Bucky near was enough for his body to melt into the bed. “Thanks,” he slurred. Since he hasn't eaten in awhile, the pain pill was working quickly in the sense of making him very sleepy and a little nauseous. He slid into sleep.

 

~~

 

When he woke again, Bucky was curled around him, his toes stuck under the blanket pile, and his hand stilled on his neck. He checked his phone to see the time. It was four am. While there was lingering pain, he felt much better. Enough to be willing the move around some more. He carefully wiggled around until he could cover Bucky with the blankets, and then with a sigh, fell back asleep. The migraine had wiped him out, and he was more than willing to sleep again. 

 

~~

 

The next morning, Tony woke Bucky with a smattering of kisses all over his face. “Good morning cupcake!” he said cheerfully.

Bucky groaned, not a morning person. Neither was Tony, normally, but with all the sleep he had gotten, he was pretty awake. 

Plus: “Oh come on, I have coffee!” He dropped another kiss on Bucky’s lips before holding a mug by his face so Bucky could smell the coffee.

Sighing, Bucky shoved himself into a sitting position. “Guess you feel better,” he managed after gulping down most of the mug. 

“Sure do, buttercup,” Tony agreed. Leaning against Bucky’s shoulder, he shoved at it until he was curled up under it. “Thanks.”

“Welcome.”

They sat in silence for a while as Bucky drank coffee, waking up.

“Honey?”

Tony looked up at Bucky. “Yeah?”

“What's lexapro for?”

Tony froze. 

 

_ “You're so happy though!” “So you're crazy?” “Ugh, just get over it.” “So many people have it worse than you.” “Just go outside.” “Have you tried exercising?” “Those don't work.” “What do  _ you  _ have to be sad about?” “Attention whore.” “You should try natural remedies.” “That's the easy way out.” “You're just giving up.” “You're just looking for sympathy.” _

 

A dozen - a hundred - different voices with a hundred different vile things ran through his head. 

“Honey?” Bucky sounded concerned, turning so he could see Tony better. 

Tony felt his chest tighten. He didn't want to talk about this. He could hear his breathing shorten. 

“Tony!” Now he sounded worried, and was a lot closer than he remembered. “Breathe, baby.”

Breathing, he could do that. Concentrating, he forced air in and out of his lungs.

“Slower,” Bucky demanded. 

Obligingly, he slowed his breathing.

When the world came back into focus, he blanched. He really never wanted to have even a minor panic attack in front of anyone, especially not Bucky. “Fuck,” he said, covering his eyes. “Let's pretend that never happened.”

“Let's not,” Bucky replied immediately. “That was terrifying, I thought you were dying. I almost called for medical.”

Tony winced. He supposed he should probably tell Bucky something. It was only fair. He struggled to sit up but Bucky blocked him. With little grace, he flopped back down and glared at the other man. 

“No, you're lying down until you get some color back in your face.”

Sighing, Tony stayed where he was.

“What was that.”

It wasn't a question.

“A panic attack,” Tony admitted. “Not a big one.” He swallowed. “Can I have some water? I'll stay where I am,” he added, when he saw Bucky hesitate. 

Bucky returned with water within a minute. 

He gratefully took the water and drank the whole glass. 

“I get them sometimes,” he continued.

“Why now?” Bucky asked.

Hesitating, Tony thought over his words. “Well... you asked about the lexapro,” he finally said. 

Bucky’s face crumpled. “I caused it?”

“Not really!” Tony rushed to say. He managed to push himself to a sitting position while Bucky was distracted. Taking Bucky’s hand, he added. “It just reminded me of.... unpleasant memories.”

Now Bucky looked confused.

Tony sighed. In for a penny, in for a pound. “It's an antidepressant,” he explained. “It's used for both anxiety and depression,” he added. 

If anything, he looked even more confused. “Depression is where the brain doesn't produce the enough of certain chemicals. Sometimes it's short-term, and sometimes it's long-term. Anxiety is a little more complicated, but basically, randomly, you get really anxious for no reason except your brain is a dick and you have no choice in it.”

“Oh. Then,” Bucky paused. “Why the panic attack?”

Tony’s breath caught, but he forced himself to breathe normally. “Just people being assholes. Some people don't believe in antidepressants, or that  _ I  _ could have depression or an anxiety disorder.”

Bucky frowned. “That's stupid.”

A knot in Tony’s chest relaxed. “Yeah, it is.”

Bucky brushed a kiss over Tony’s cheek. “Can I beat those people up?”

A startled laugh made its way out of Tony. “No,” he said firmly. 

Bucky pouted. 

“No!”

Sighing, Bucky laid back down, and tugged Tony with him. “In that case, snuggle with me. Gotta make that up to me somehow.”

Laughing, Tony laid back down and curled up with Bucky. “Love you,” he whispered, kissing Bucky. 

Love you more, honey,” Bucky murmured, halfway back into sleep. 

“Love you most.”

“Go to sleep, genius.”

Tony did.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't get anxiety attacks so *throws hands up in the air* who knows if it's good portrayal sorry.
> 
> I use all the medications except Xanax, and Tony’s pain experience with migraines is exactly like my last mega-migraine. Minus a Bucky to ferry me pills and rub my neck, I had to bribe my sister to get me pills. *insert sad face*


End file.
